Today was a pretty good day I think. Well I havent killed anyone today so that is good. Not that I have before so relax it is just a joke. <.< >.>

Anyway, I told the boss at work I was tired of the shit. Felt good to rip into managemnent. I swear I love having my old attitude back. I just don't give two fucks about shit anymore. A few days ago I was baisicaly threatened to get over my back injury or else. That put me over the fuckin top. I mean come on I can't help it that my doctor will not release me from light duty. Telling them off today was SO AWESOME.

On the way home my ex the one who gave me all the trouble and was a big part in my spiraling depression, called me to tell me about a mutal friend. I was worried for him with Hurricane Rita bearing down on Texas. I already knew of one friend that was being evacuated and was very conserned for Tavis. The only real bad side to our conversation is that I now realise that I have lost another friend, and that hurts allot because it was someone I thought was a good friend and mature enough to stay out of my shit. I regret ever finding confidence in this person. Oh well back to second life, I really must thank my bro Ibun and my good friend Tavis for helping get me on Second Life. Thanks allot guys, it was really good to start and get away from the old comunity and meet some new people.

Off Scale is running nicely, can't help but brag about our IRC, it is home to a small group of great rebels. Our little IRC is cozy and very much like a tight family. Not to say newbies aren't welcome here. I really have to thank all our regulars for making it a great lil place.

A few short notes to add.

First off I would like to add a progress report to my depression. In order to stop the hurt I have been feeling over my leaving Bigfurs I have chosen to let go of a bunch of people I once considered friends. I realised that these people weren't really friends just more or less aquintences. I was tormented for the longest time, lurking in a few communities that I belonged to, bearing witness to the fact that my "so called" friends would post replies, stories and their art work in every forum but mine. Now I know that no one HAS to do this, still you would think that someone who claims to be your friend would want to help you out and help what you love grow, especially if they share the same interest as you. Ibun, who is a very good online friend, hell I think of him as a brother. He has been there since the begining to suport me and my project, and he doesnt even like macrophile.

Which brings me to why I decieded to let it all go. I had to cut the so called friends out of my life, people like Ravage, Wolfie, Wyld, Ransom and many others. Why do you ask, well as I said above they hardly ever stop by to say hello, so do while some havent even been there. The main reason I let go is because while I was mopping to much about these people, I lost sight of what I really had. I had many good friends and supporters, friends like Hero, Ibun, BigD, Rafael, Drake, King Dead, FoxFire, Cerb, Callisto, Slidey, Civil and a few others that have been there for me. These are the friends that show support to me. They make Off Scale work allong side Bigfurs and Macrophile.Com. These friends show me it is possable to be part of multiple communities and take part in them all. I droped the has beens at Bigfurs for them, I didn't feel I was good enough for the "so called" Friends I once had on BigFurs, I was blind to see that I was basically saying to me true friends that they arent good enough for me. FUCK that, the friends I have now I know I can count on when the chips are down, they didn't take the easy road out and forget about me. They took the effort to follow me and make sure I was OK and felt loved.

I am sorry to all my friends if I made you feel like you weren't good enough, because you truely are more than I deserve.

I have made someother improvements but those will have to wait till I get home from work.

I just cant take it anymore. I am tired of being held up to something I am not. I feel everything I once loved slipping from me the last few days. For those of you who know me and may care enough to ask me, you know I have had a fucking rough few months. I have been screwed up so bad lately that I am not myself anymore. The sad thing is I am not sure who I am or if I do I am not sure I want to go on being me. Last night I came to the conclusion that I am pretty much a nobody. I thought I had allot of good friends I could count on to be there for me, it turns out I only have a few. Don't get me wrong I am not knocking what I do have. INfact I love them more now then I ever did. However is feels like allot of people I thought were pretty cool and considered friends just don't feel like it anymore.

I am going to leave the internet for a while. I will be on to lurk here and there to make sure my forum is running smoothly and shit like that. However I am killing all IRC and IM programs. If you care to speak with me well write an email I might read it when I find the time too.

Shut the light off when you leave.

-Mud

I have talked to a few good friends and I have decided to stay around.

Well we have the forums up and running at www.offscale.org Now last Saturday we launched irc.offscale.org

If anyone cares to join a pretty friendly macro micro community feel free to stop into both places. The IRC information is ( irc.offscale.org port 6667 channel #OffScale )

I can't shake the feeling that I am worthless. It seems everything I do turns out wrong. At work when I think I am doing good I fuck up. Online I get this feeling allot more. It seems no matter how hard I try someone is there to point out how worthless I am. I don't have a girlfriend or a wife at my age. I am not good at relationships. the list goes on and on. I am fast reaching the point where I am just going to give up. I am tired of tring to please everyone. Life was so much simplier when I didn't give a flying fuck about anyone. I hate what I am driven to become. -.-

I am such a jerk sometimes. I have been so wrapped up in my troubles and every little escapisum I can come up with that I have neglected one of my online brothers. I was told it is not my fault, that it is not me, yet to some degree it is my fault. I too easily over look him sometimes. I am sorry bro, I do love ya and I don't mean it honestly. I hope he gets better soon. He really is a great friend/brother I couldn't ask for more.

What are friends for? They are for falling back on when you are down. I know I have 4 really good friends, Hero Ibun Raf and Cerb. I use to think I had a hell of allot more than that, boy was I ever wrong. The last few months I have really felt like everyone I took time to care for has stabed me in the back slowly and painfully. It all started with Broni. When Broni came to Bigfurs he was very shy and not to confident. I saw a great friend in him and got to know him real well. He always doubted himself and I reasured him of his potential. I got with him and was talking one day about an idea I had for an IRC character database. I had no programming skills and at the time I didn't know Broni did. However he liked the idea and soon created Furbase. I am glad he did well with it, it gained him popularity with the just about everyone. I didn't take any credit and I am a forgoten link in the whole project that was originally my idea. Broni is now very popular and I am forgoten *shrugs*

The next to leave was someone I thought of as a brother. I had known Runt longer than I knew Hero. We were close aswell, or so I thought. He decided to just leave oneday with out so much as a good bye. I can't blame him after all my girlfriend at the time did butt her nose into his private affairs and make things awkward.

Next was my good friend Zwoulfe, Zay passed away he didn't leave me in the sense that most left. His passing hit me very hard and that is when the tidal wave of betrail began.

My girlfriend ditched me while I was severaly depressed. No matter how much I told her I loved her it didn't matter over the words of two immature assholes named Spike and Tescon. I know this cause she told me they both told her I didnt love her and was too chicken shit to tell her to her face. I didn't trust these two enough to tell them anything important like that.

When my girlfriend dumped me that wasn't good enough for her however, she set out to distory me in the community that I loved and helped build. I joined Bigfurs right at the begining and did my best to help it grow by making the IRC a welcomeing place for newbies. Today this IRC is as cold as ice to me. I have tried to go back, after all I do love Bigfurs, but I have lost so much there. It feels like I am standing at the scene of a horrible accident where a love one lost his/her life. I just can't take being there.

I don't know how many others have left me many I feel don't want to. Others I feel are just hangging on for selfish reasons not really wanting to be friends just there to perhaps spy.

One thing is for sure through out this whole thing Hero Ibun Raf and Cerb have been there. Thank you all of you.

Well I guess this might be a good way to vent some serious frustration that I have been dealing with lately. I have seen my personal life spread across this community by a few members. In time I will post more on that subject, but for now a bit of myself.

Hello I am Mudfrit Ulrich Dobie, however my good friends call me Mud. Character wise I am a mini macro anthro doberman. At least that is what I RP with in a few forums I either visit or run. For more information on the character of Mud you can go here....http://furbase.bigfurs.com/index.php?FurID=6

However you are here to learn more about the person behind Mud and that is what you are going to get.

Right now I just created with the help of some very good friends a new forum. I recently went semi inactive on a forum I was in almost from the very begining. I was pretty much perverbially punched in the face by allot I considered friends. This lead me to create a new forum of my own. I would like to give credit to some wonderful friends who have stood beside me and helped me every step of the way. These three are like on line brothers to me. First off is Hero, he has been by my side for almost 3 years. We started out in werewolf forums together and he has been there ever since. Hero truely is a good friend and brother, I couldnt ask for anyone better than him. Ibun is next I meet him when a good friend brought him to the IRC on Bigfurs. We became friends quickly and the friendship has grown to the point where I consider him a brother. Altered Freak, or Raf as he is known to me and his good friends came to Bigfurs, again we made friends had laughs. He more than earned his keep when the shit hit the fan. Hera I first met on Lofty Bearing, a now defunct macro forum. Honestly Lofty was a cold place for me, I had joined the forum just as it was on that slipery slope to ruin. Hera helped to show me the better side of the community and prove that it wasn't all elitists.

Which brings us to now, I just opened a new website called Off Scale ( www.offscale.org shameless plug :P ) As with all new forums I wasn't expecting it to do well at all however it suprised me allot. With in a month and a half of opening we have managed to get almost 100 members. I am very happy for this, I have been working hard to get people to join up and take part in the forum. One thing I have noticed however that has me a bit upset and feeling down is a few friends that have joined. I have quite a few really talented artist friends from the macro communities. Most have joined Off Scale but none of them seem to be posting or sharing their work. I know it is their right to post art where they want, I just get the feeling I am not doing something right. I can get new members to join but with no material there and nothing new comming in I can't keep the members. When we first opened we had many members joining the site now it is mostly me and my good friends that are keeping the forum alive. I wish I could find a few good artists and authors to post some of their work there and help make the community grow. If not I am afraid it will fail.

I guess that is enough ranting for now talk to you again later.